Dialogue Guidelines
Starting with compassionate listening,
dialogue can dissolve boundaries between people,
heal relationships, and unleash unprecedented creativity.
Dialogue takes us out of our isolated existence and
beyond our restricted views.
We begin to understand the diversity
in perception, in meaning, in people’s expression.
With the authentic words and authentic attention of everyone
on this earth, in this life,
together we can invent
a way of living that will promote the interests of all.
Dialogue Guidelines: Listen, Talk, Discover
Listen
Listen with compassion and sincerity. Avoid quick judgment or avoid blaming. Control the urge to argue, counter, dissuade.
Listen to everyone with the same consideration and respect, regardless of their status or role.
Listen carefully to each person’s contribution to gain a better understanding.
Listen to learn rather than getting stuck on personal thoughts.
Focus on the quality of your own listening.
Listen to determine the common denominator of the collective, of the community, detect the collective spirit.
Listen actively. Try not to let your mind wander and avoid thinking about what you are going to say while others are talking. Avoid interrupting.
Talk
Speak with great sincerity about your authentic life experience. If possible, use “I”, instead of “we”, “you” or “they”.
Be prepared to contribute even if your ideas or thoughts are unfinished. This contribution can help gain new ideas and information for the group.
Ask interesting questions, show your complete curiosity about topics you are unaware of before giving your point of view.
Speak when you are ready rather than trying to fill a void. Ask for silence, if necessary.
Share time. Try not to monopolize the conversation.
Use respectful language. Avoid using labels.
Highlight your new knowledge acquired from the group.
Speak in the circle, in the whole group, in the flow of growing experience with the aim of arriving at a common idea.
Avoid interference, to avoid excluding others and turning them into disinterested spectators. When you are silent, indicate your presence in the group from time to time, verbally or by a sign.
Do not hesitate to express your feelings when you have been offended or hurt.
Discover
Emphasize new approaches to learning rather than the need to be right. Seek to create a common future with a sense of sharing, which transcends supposedly old limits
Do not conclude immediately after observations and discovery. Allow time to explore new ideas.
Be careful with your judgments, assumptions and certainties. Allow time to consider alternatives to old ways of thinking.
Be present to everything that is happening inside you, as well as in the group.
Be engaged yet detached – open to outcomes, but not attached to specific outcomes.
Allow for breaks and moments of silence – reflection needs to follow a certain rhythm.
If you disagree, stay engaged and explore areas of common ground.
Be open and ready to change your mind. This will help you really listen to other points of view.
Respect confidentiality. If you are talking about your dialogue experience with people outside the group, avoid using people’s names or sharing their personal experiences.
Dialogue Compared to Debate
Dialogue | Debate |
---|---|
Dialogue is collaborative: two or more parties work together for a common understanding. | Debate is opposition: the two sides are opposed to each other; each side tries to prove that the other side is wrong. |
The goal of Dialogue is to find common ground. | During Debate, the desired objective is victory. |
In Dialogue, we listen to the other party with the aim of understanding, learning, finding the meaning of what we are listening to. We may reach an agreement. | During Debate, we listen to the other party in order to find faults and counter their arguments. We may end up learning nothing. |
Dialogue likely broadens and changes a participant’s point of view. | Debate, on the other hand, affirms a participant’s own point of view. |
Dialogue reveals the assumptions of the reevaluation. | Debate defends the hypotheses as the truth. |
Dialogue calls for temporarily suspending one’s beliefs. | Debate creates an attitude of closed-mindedness, a desire to be right. |
In Dialogue, we look for basic agreements. | In Debate, we look for blatant differences. |
Dialogue remains open | Debate implies a conclusion. |